


Enough

by Driehoek



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, ajay pines and overthinks, headcanon: wattson has autism, natalie kicks ass but she sometimes needs to be protected, two girls sitting in the arena 1 feet apart cus theyre so gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 04:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Driehoek/pseuds/Driehoek
Summary: Everyone loves Wattson, and Ajay loves her most of all. Just a shame she has trouble admitting it. After a very close call in the Arena, she's forced to think about her feelings and realises everything about Natalie indeed makes her feel... ec-static.





	Enough

She should’ve known better.

Enrollments for this edition of the games had opened five days ago, and she should’ve known better than to join. She had participated in the Games three weeks in a row now, and she knew that she desperately needed a break from the stress and the training, four weeks of Games in a row was too much, even for her.

But the moment she checked the enrollments and saw Natalie had enrolled for this week, Ajay didn’t even think twice, overriding her ratio screaming in the back of her mind. She would be in a squad with Makoa and Natalie both this week.

Everyone loved Natalie, of course they did. The young lady was captivating, even though she was the least aware of that of all people. Everyone got along with her, she always went out of her way to be nice to everyone, to an extent that commanded respect from even Alexander. Because of this, Ajay thought it was logical for her to feel the way she did every time Natalie entered the room, the flutter of her stomach anytime she spoke up, the slight tremble of her hands whenever she handed her healing supplies in the Arena. It was normal, right?

But was it normal to stare at her while she set up fences in the Arena? The delicate movements of her hands as she quickly assembled the footing and pole and set up a barrier of electricity to keep enemies away, her quick thinking an extension of her ingenious mind? Was it normal to notice the reflection of the sparks erupting from the tesla coil on her back in those beautiful eyes of hers, the sheer joy in them when they won a Game?

Ajay caught herself staring at her as Natalie was methodically putting ammunition into her backpack, swinging it onto her back in one swift motion. She noticed her glance, gave a slightly crooked smile.

“Do you have any light ammo to spare?” she asked, which sent Ajay rummaging through her backpack immediately, only to dig out two mags’ worth of ammo. She reached over to hand them to Natalie.

_There’s the tremble again._

She felt Makoa’s glance in her back and she knew what he wanted to say. Surprisingly, he of all people prioritised not getting distracted while in the Arena. He was big on teamwork, as long as every member of the team remained focused during the course of the battle. He didn’t say it, of course he didn’t. There were camera drones buzzing overhead, their words could be followed by millions of fans across the Frontier. Game regulations stated that no personal matters were to be discussed when cameras were nearby, and that was a rule that didn’t need to be enforced. The media were already trying to pry at whatever background story they could get for the Legends, no Apex Games participant in their right mind would want to fuel their tabloid stories even further.

She didn’t think of it again until there were only two enemy squads left, the ring closing in on them quickly. They were huddled in a lone building west of Slums, recharging their shields and preparing for the final battle of this instalment of the Apex Games.

One squad way in the distance, running in from the closing ring, the other squad presumably just out of view on the hill to their right.

“Everyone still good?” Makoa asked, loading a new mag into his Flatline. “We’ve got a good shot at winning. We can do this.”

Natalie nodded, fastening a final bolt on one of her pillars, which started spinning slowly and the low buzz of their shields recharging filled the air. Makoa was right by her side, standing in the doorway, closely watching the hills. Ajay climbed on top of a crate just outside of the building to oversee the situation better.

The other squad started getting closer, and Ajay fired her R-99 at the man running at the very front. Her stock wobbled against her shoulder, and she struggled to work against the recoil. A faint scream told her she hadn’t missed her target, but he was still standing, presumably because she hadn’t been able to fire steadily. She frowned, fired again… and was met with nothing but the dry click of an empty magazine.

She’d given her light ammo to Natalie. She’d assumed it couldn’t hurt to share, but now she had-

The other squad emerged from behind the hill and started firing at them. With bullets whizzing past from both directions and one squadmate fumbling to switch guns, Makoa didn’t need long to assess the situation. He grabbed a smoke grenade from a pocket on his armour, pulled the ignition pin and threw it out into the open field with a low chuckle.

“Calling in an airstrike! Take cover, brothas.”

Ajay hadn’t even made it back into the cabin for two seconds when mortar strikes started raining down around them with an explosive noise, almost drowning out the screams from the squad that was now running back up the hill. They would have a few moments to recover before they would have to deal with whatever was left from the last two squads.

Makoa was standing at the door, intermittently firing rounds to whatever member of whatever squad managed to escape the airstrike. Ajay quickly grabbed her Peacekeeper from her back, discarding her R-99 altogether, and only then she noticed Natalie sitting in the very corner of the room with her knees pulled up to her chin and her hands covering her ears, rocking back and forth violently.

She wanted to help so, so badly but there were footsteps outside-

Makoa stepped outside as soon as the bombardment ended and immediately three shots rang across the field and he fell down with a scream that quickly turned into a gurgle.

“Ahh- I’m down! No good!” he managed to utter in between laboured breaths.

“Oh, _fuck_,” Ajay breathed, jumping up with her peacekeeper clutched to her chest. She left the building through the back door. One squad was close now, with only two remaining members. She fired, and the concentrated shot of shotgun pellets knocked down one enemy instantly. The other was further away but he had to be in a bad shape, he just had to, no one could make it through one of Makoa’s airstrikes unscathed. Was he the one that fired at Makoa, or was there still another squad? There was no time to check the mobile device everyone carried, she had to improvise.

She was a medic, she had been trained to make hard decisions under ridiculous pressure, and this shouldn’t have been any different… were it not for the fact that her mind kept drifting back to Natalie. A pang of guilt shot through her chest. Makoa was bleeding out, and she was worried about Natalie, who was in distress but physically unscathed!

She quickly knelt next to Makoa, who had managed to crawl back into the house, and pressed the syringe with adrenaline directly into his chest. He inhaled sharply as she helped him up and set up a health drone quickly.

Footsteps outside. Shots. There was indeed more than one squad left. She closed her eyes for a second, relieved she had made the right decision. A few moments later, Makoa had healed up enough to step out onto the battlefield again, aimed his Flatline, fired…

_“You are the Apex Champions.”_

Ajay knew she should’ve been happy, she should’ve been ecstatic, she should’ve been absolutely thrilled to win yet another edition of the games. Camera drones were hovering overhead, capturing their reactions, and she knew she had to fake a smile at the very least, anything to appease the sponsors, to keep up her façade.

Makoa had noticed something was off, of course he had. He struck poses to attract the cameras’ attention, fired rounds into the sky, laughed his deep guttural laugh, anything to distract from Ajay sneaking back into the house.

“Nat?”

The pillar was still spinning, the low hum almost masking the sniffling from the corner of the room, from the small form curled up against the wall. Ajay’s stomach dropped.

Natalie was still covering her ears, shoulders raised, bracing her core, like she was fearing for her life, like the barrage of noise had physically hurt her. In a way it did, Ajay realised. Natalie probably hadn’t even noticed they’d won, she was way too overwhelmed at the moment.

“Hey, Nat.” Ajay knelt down next to her. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

She carefully put her hand on Natalie’s forearm, and she jerked up with a gasp, with too much white around her blue irises and tears staining her cheeks.

“Ajay. It’s so loud.” Natalie’s voice trembled and cracked with every word.

It was like an icy claw crushed Ajay’s heart. She swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the obvious tremble that had seeped into her every movement. She’d seen Natalie like this once before, but every time it felt like a sledge hammer to the chest. It felt so… powerless. No medkit, no health drone could fix the pain Natalie experienced when the noise got to her.

“Nat… C’mere.” She extended her arms, not expecting Natalie to answer this gesture immediately, but she did. She sat up, sniffled once and practically threw herself into Ajay’s arms, pressing her head against her shoulder, bursting into violent sobs.

“Oh baby,” Ajay cooed, softly cupping the back of her head and caressing her head through the fabric of the tight blue hood she wore. “It’s okay, it’s over. We won. No more noise.”

It felt so wrong to admit it, but having Natalie this close to her, leaning into her for comfort, it felt so good, it felt so _right_. Sure, she was in emotional distress right now, but right now Ajay was doing all she could to help her, and as painful as it was to watch, there wasn’t anything else she could do.

So she held Natalie as close to her as she could, until the dropship that would bring them back to the Legend’s training facility arrived.

Of course Natalie grew avoidant over the next few days. Ajay struggled to interpret what had happened in the ring, and what Natalie must’ve been thinking now.

Was she angry? Did she feel humiliated, patronised by her reaction? Ajay could understand if she did, no matter how protective she wanted to be of her, she was no child, she was a brilliant young woman who could handle herself in battle. But then again, she’d looked like she needed a hug, and it wasn’t like Ajay had forced herself onto her?

Maybe she’d figured out that Ajay had feelings for her? Maybe that’s why she was avoiding her? Ajay had seen the way Octavio treated her, and the way she treated Octavio, maybe those two were more than friends, maybe she’d made Natalie extremely uncomfortable-

“Oh, get over yourself, Che,” she mumbled to herself, “It was just a hug. She won’t hate you over a hug.”

And she didn’t. That night, three days after the events in the Arena, there was a knock on her bedroom door.

Ajay didn’t even need to open the door before she knew it was Natalie, but the sight of her standing on her doorstep still filled her with equal parts joy and relief.

“Natalie!” she exclaimed gleefully, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible. “I’ve missed you! We haven’t spoken a lot lately.”

“We haven’t, indeed,” Natalie smiled. God, she was stunning. She was dressed casually now in high waisted shorts and a simple white shirt tucked into them, a contrast with the bulky gear she wore in the Arena. Most notably, her hair wasn’t covered, showing the beautiful short golden bob that normally went hidden underneath her hood.

“You want to come in?” Ajay asked as casually as possible, internally cheering when Natalie gave a short nod.

“We can’t really talk on your doorstep, can we?” she said with a nervous smile that made Ajay weak at her knees.

They sat down, and a few moments of silence ensued. Ajay kept wanting to speak up but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Natalie was trying to gather courage to speak up herself, so she quietly waited.

“Thank you,” Natalie suddenly blurted out.

“For what?” Ajay asked.

“For…” Natalie averted her glance. “What happened in King’s Canyon. I… You know I don’t deal well with… when the noise gets too much. It was bad this time, I know. Thank you for… what you did.”

“That’s no problem at all, Nat,” Ajay said softly, causing Natalie to look up.

Her eyes were filled with tears once again. Oh, no.

“It is. I feel like I need to be able to contain myself better,” she said. “I used to be able to do that. I used to be able to… keep the noise out, to not let it get to me. But it got worse, after… after _papa_ passed away.”

Ajay clenched her jaw, awkwardly biting her lip. “I’m so sorry, Nat. I wish I…”

She wished she what? That she could lessen her suffering? That she could bring her dad back?

“It’s not your fault, Ajay,” Natalie said, her glance softening. She blinked, and the tears fell down her cheeks. She aggressively wiped them away with a frustrated grunt, as if she feared not to be taken seriously. “It’s not. You don’t have to heal everyone. Some things need time.”

Those words resonated with Ajay far stronger than she expected, mostly because Natalie was absolutely and completely correct. Was… was that why Natalie had been avoidant these last few days? Was it because she thought Ajay was trying to fix her, to help with things she didn’t understand?

“I never meant to-“ Ajay began, but Natalie motioned for her to be quiet.

“I know you didn’t. And I could never be mad at you for trying.” She sighed. “I just… I really appreciate everyone looking out for me. I really do. But I don’t want to be seen as the young fragile girl that needs protection because she’s so sad about her father’s death. I can handle myself. I want to be considered equal to the rest of you, I want to actually contribute to a victory, not just being carried there on everyone’s shoulders as a mascot. I just… feel like a burden sometimes.”

“Oh no, Nat, don’t every say that again,” Ajay said, carefully rubbing the other’s back. “I… I just…”

How much could she say without having all of her emotions pour out like sand from between loose fingers? Was it worth trying? Oh god, the last thing she wanted was for Natalie to think she was trying to take advantage of her vulnerability, to catch her at a weak moment.

But then again, she wanted Natalie to know she was loved and greatly appreciated. She should say _something_, but how much was too much? How much was… enough?

Ajay closed her eyes. She inhaled. She exhaled.

“Nat…” she said, and it was as if the words started flowing organically from there, like she didn’t need to control her own words. “You could never be a burden to me. I appreciate you. I appreciate everything you are, everything you do. Even the things you might not appreciate about yourself. Nat… I… You are amazing. I don’t want you to suffer from all the demons and sounds that you try to keep inside. I love you way too much for that.”

… Oh.

She had not planned to say those last few words, but now that she’d said them, she realised she _really_ didn’t want to keep them inside any longer.

Her eyes were still closed, and she only heard the sudden rushing of blood in her ears now. She didn’t regret what she’d said, but a sudden spark of odd anxiety in her stomach was now flaming throughout her entire body. She swallowed painfully.

Natalie had all right to stand up and walk away, right now. Ajay prepared herself for that exact scenario. Was there anything else that could logically happen? She could be mad, scared, disappointed… Ajay knew her mind was bracing for the worst outcome, but right now it seemed as if the worst outcome would be the most logical.

Then she heard a soft giggle that made her very core flutter.

“You _what_?”

Ajay opened her eyes, clenched her jaw and looked at Natalie.

Her cheeks were flushed to a bright pink shade and she was trying to hide her wide grin behind her hand, and Ajay making eye contact with her led to another nervous giggle.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Ajay said quickly, “Too far, sorry.”

“No, no no no,” Natalie said, “Not at all! Not at all!”

Ajay swallowed again, her own heartbeat now almost deafening her. What was happening? Was Natalie making fun of her? Was she too embarrassed to even reply?

“I was just trying to gauge in what way you meant it,” Natalie continued, her tone hesitant and her eyes averted. She was rubbing her hands together frantically, her cheeks now a deeper shade of pink.

The only coherent thought Ajay could form was how badly she wanted to kiss those cheeks, all the other thoughts were swirling around in her head like snowflakes in a storm.

She’d come this far, why not continue? It didn’t feel like this was really happening anyway.

“I meant it like I said it,” she said dryly, and then less subtle: “I meant that I really like you, Nat. And not just… as a squadmate.”

Natalie now hid her entire face in her hands, and this worried Ajay for all of three seconds, which felt like an eternity. When she looked up again, all feelings of worry were gone suddenly.

“_Mon dieu_, Ajay,” Natalie said, her voice higher pitched than usual. “I… _Merde_. I really like you, too. I’ve liked you for… a long time. A very long time. And not just as a squadmate, either.”

Was this really happening?

Ajay felt like her head was floating approximately three miles higher than her shoulders as Natalie shifted closer to her on the bed, her fingers slowly intertwining with hers.

“I know there’s so much we both want to say, Nat,” Ajay breathed, slowly raising a hand to touch Natalie’s cheek, her voice lessening to a whisper. “But for now… I propose… we just stay… silent.”

Hot breath on her lips. She released Natalie’s hand to cup her head, to pull her closer, to close the distance between them.

Their lips brushed against each other, all too briefly. Ajay planted a soft kiss on Natalie’s lips, again and again. She felt how Natalie’s hands travelled up her back, pulling her closer. Closer. Closer.

She opened her mouth slightly, tongue snaking against Natalie’s lips, deepening the kiss. Her hair felt so soft, her body in her arms felt so soft, everything about her felt so soft. An intense feeling of joy fizzed around in Ajay’s core. She loved everything about Natalie, from the way she softly moaned into the kiss and the way she forgot to breathe through her nose to the way she awkwardly tried to caress Ajay’s head in the space that was not occupied by the buns in her hair. God, she was lovely.

Natalie broke the kiss, short and shaky breaths escaping her, her hair tousled, her cheeks flushed and her blue eyes wide open, looking confused. She cracked an insecure but wide grin.

“I did not expect that.”

That was the exact moment the realisation kicked in for Ajay. She’d accidentally confessed, and it had gone well. A wave of euphoria washed over her entire being. It had gone well. She had done what she’d wanted to do for the longest time, she had kissed Natalie!

Natalie leaned against her again, burying her face into Ajay’s shoulder. Ajay reflexively wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close.

“That was good,” Natalie sighed contently, her eyes closed. “I can get used to that kind of silence.”

“There’s plenty more where that came from, I tell you,” Ajay teased, planting a kiss on both of Natalie’s cheeks, making her blush deeply again.

It had gone right. She was holding Natalie, Natalie was holding her, and for now, everything was right. There were issues they had to work through, but just for now, those didn’t matter.

For now, this was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> sup my name is mees and i make everything gay  
I can't believe this is the first Wattline fic, y'all are SLEEPING on this ship I tell you  
Also Wattson has autism and you can't tell me otherwise


End file.
